'Everything feels totally wrong... I mean, I'm not a hipster blog and it feels like a really hipster blog. The whole blog's really not what I'm about. It needs to be black and white for a start.'

12:50 am // monday the 28th of july.

it sucks being your only friend and not even liking yourself. it sucks even more being unable to kill yourself. it sucks even more when everyone lies to you and tells you that it’s going to get better, when we all know it’s not. i do wish you hadn’t of said anything instead of blatently lying to me. seriously? i hope it made you feel better because there had to be some good to come out of it. and my ‘friends’ kept saying, ‘oh, what would we do without you?’ or ’ life wouldn’t be the same without you’. i suppose you’re right, life wouldn’t be the same - it would be better. i mean, you haven’t spoke to me since we left school like 6 weeks ago.

i just wish i had one really, really good friend. who i could hang out with, i could go to when things get too much. or just someone who actually gives a damn and doesn’t lie to me constantly. and i could be a good friend to them too. but then i suppose that would mean there is nothing wrong with me and that i’m actually a like-able person. which i am not. otherwise, i would have been treated fairly in school and not have been singled out and ostracised or called a faggit all the time.

there is something wrong but no-one will tell me what it is and it would be great if they did because then it would answer one of my questions.

"those who deserve love the least, need it the most…"

😔🔫

i just needed to write it down.